'Monsterwolf' Review

Monsterwolfby Michael Sieber, MoreHorror.com

Monsterwolf is the kind of movie that ten minutes in you'll be saying to yourself, “Oh god, I don't think I can get through this one.” It's also the kind of movie you'll pause to check the time and say, “Oh god, I can't believe it's only half over. I don't think I can do it.”

Released in 2010 as a Syfy original, Monsterwolf is about an evil oil company that's trying to drill in a small town, but is being fought by the local native American tribe. Actually, it's only one native American, but I guess they couldn't afford to flesh out the cast. If it sounds like you've seen this film before, you probably have, it's called On Deadly Ground, starring Steven Seagal.

The oil company drills into an ancient Indian burial ground and unleashes a wolf creature that's hell bent on exacting its revenge.

Monsterwolf is so unoriginal and hackneyed that I don't even know where to start. It manages to trot out just about every movie cliché and stereotype you can think of. First we've got the evil oil company president who is your basic cardboard cutout of every evil corporate executive you've seen in the last decade of film. The only thing missing would be for him to be wearing a black cape and twirl his handlebar mustache as he sneers at how evil he is.

Next up we have the girl who left the small town behind to pursue a career in the Big Apple only to come back home and save the day. Oh, and let's not forget the love interest who let here get away the first time, but is determined not to let it happen again.

We also have the wise native American who spouts of endless dialogue about ancient curses, legends and Indian magic.

So, the wolf begins attacking people who are working for the evil oil company, and the prez decides to call in the professionals to kill it so he can begin his evil oil drilling again. Cue the helicopter and the badass team of assassins in a scene ripped right out of Predator, with their leader emerging chomping a cigar just like Dutch. Hell, they even dress like the team from Predator when they go out to hunt the beast.

The creature in question is a combination of a real prop, which I think is only the head because we never see it full frame, and CGI for when they needed a full body shot. This CGI is typical of low budget films, but frankly, I think the Nintendo 64 could render something better looking than what we've got here. I know not to expect Jurassic Park effects in movies like this, but come on, when the wolf jumps through a window and lands on a bed can you at least make the bed move or mess up the sheets to imply that something large and heavy landed on it? I'm not even asking that you make it convincing, just make an effort for god's sake.

I thought after watching the Star Wars prequels that I'd heard the worst dialogue in a movie, but Monsterwolf contains lines that I think would make even George Lucas cringe. One that stands out is when one of the assassin team members asks their leader, “When do you sleep?” He replies, “I'll sleep when I'm dead.” Ooh, that's so hardcore, it's totally not a ripoff from Predator's “I ain't got time to bleed” line, is it?

I'm going to spoil this for you, but I'm sure you won't mind.

So it turns out that the wolf can only be killed by a member of the tribe, and since the old Indian chief dies, the girl finds out she's the last remaining member because she was adopted. The bad guy gets killed, she loads a shotgun with an ancient Indian necklace, shoots and kills the wolf (not sure how that works exactly), and decides to stay and marry her boyfriend. The end.

Monsterwolf has nothing going for it. The characters are all stereotypes that exist only to move the plot forward. The story is a mishmash of bits culled from better films. There is no suspense, no gore, and the effects aren't even video game caliber.

This movie is so bad, that I doubt even RiffTrax could save it.

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